Lead empathically

Empathy is a key skill for good teamwork. Being able to empathize with others and understand their feelings makes collaboration easier. Empathy is essential for successful leadership. Empathy helps to recognize the needs of team members and employees. Those who can empathize without suffering are able better understand and predict behavior. Collaboration can thus be shaped in a forward-looking and constructive way. Even though there is still the persistent opinion that empathy is innate – that one is endowed with it by nature or not, scientists agree:

Empathy can be developed!

If you want to become more empathic, you should first of all deal with the meaning of empathy. The question is first of all, how strongly one may empathize without losing sight of one’s own point of view and needs. After all, showing understanding does not necessarily mean agreeing. If you are particularly griefing, you are not helping either the person affected or yourself; rather, griefing and suffering causes you to lose sight of possible solutions. Empathy can be learned with regular training.

The following five steps help to develop empathy in a targeted manner.

1. Pay attention to your own feelings
2. Observe people closely and develop an interest in them
3. Change perspective
4. Questioning one’s own assessment and entering into communication
5. Keep a healthy distance

Read more how you can practically integrate these steps into your everyday life:

Pay attention to your own feelings and strengthen your self-awareness

In order to be empathetic and understand others well, it is necessary to first understand yourself. The better you understand your own feelings, the easier it will be for you to empathize with others. In this way, you can strengthen your self-awareness:

Make a resolution to observe yourself for a week. Especially in those moments when you have particularly strong feelings (positive or negative). Ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? What triggered my feeling? How is my body reacting to it? Is your body tense or particularly light or…? Where do you feel this tension/lightness… in your body? Body and feelings are directly connected and influence each other. Therefore, it makes sense to take a look at both. You may be more successful in becoming aware of your feelings, perhaps more through your body signals. Take time each evening to reflect and put yourself in those situations again. Write down what you felt and/or physically sensed and what triggered those emotions.

Some people are well trained to shut their emotions out of your daily life, especially your professional life. If you are one of them, it is necessary that you first learn to notice your emotions. If you still find it difficult to perceive your own emotions at all, you can practice this, for example, with guided meditation.

Observing fellow people and developing an interest in them

If you lead people, you have to know what moves them, what motivates them and what inspires them. You will find this out by observing and asking. In the second week, take it upon yourself to observe your employees and team members. Show interest in their feelings, desires and interests. Ask: Why is this a problem for you? Or: Why are you happy about this event?

Pay full attention to what they see and hear and try to understand exactly what is going on in others. Pay attention to your counterpart’s facial expressions and body posture. They are an expression of your counterpart’s feelings and can provide information about their current emotional state. For example, does she straighten up or does he slump his shoulders? Does she frown or does he smile?

Certain patterns can be detected in the behavior, language and posture of colleagues, employees and superiors, which help to better understand the behavior and motivations of your counterpart. In the second week, take some time to mentally review these situations, e.g. in the evening.

Change your perspective

The next step is to take on the perspective of the other person and try to put yourself in the other person’s position. This is not always easy and requires some training. So when you observe a situation, try to put yourself in your counterpart’s position. What would you think, feel, do in his or her place?

Then consider what a third, neutral person would do in your counterpart’s place. How would they think, feel, react? You can also go through these thought experiments with some distance, e.g. in the evening, and review the situations.

Write down how the conversation situations feel from your own perspective and that of the other person. Then repeat the process with the reverse perspective and then a third time with the third-person perspective. This method can open up new solution spaces, given the fact that you are not strongly attached to your own perspective. If you always come to the same conclusion, the next step will help. 

Questioning your own assessment and entering into exchange

In the previous step, you gained an assessment of your counterpart’s situation and considered what you or someone else would do in her situation. Your assumptions are based on hypotheses. That is, you assume, for example, that the employee was upset for some reason. However, the fact that you feel the way you do in certain situations does not necessarily mean that others in the same situation feel the same way. Therefore, it is imperative to question your own assessment and validate whether your hypothesis is correct.

Here, it helps to ask carefully, e.g., “Do I see that correctly, that you are annoyed about this point?” Or “Did this action disappoint you?” You’ll notice that sometimes there are different underlying causes and feelings than you might have suspected. Actively listen to your co-worker or teammate, give what is being said your full attention, and try to understand exactly what the other person means. Feelings often resonate subliminally. Addressing them brings more clarity and facilitates cooperation.

Maintain a healthy distance.

If you get too caught up in the problems of others, you not only burden yourself with problems, but also lose sight of possible solutions and ways out. Problems are never solved in the same state in which they arose. Therefore it is important that you do not let yourself be taken over by the problems of others. Keep a healthy distance and thus remain capable of acting, with the attitude: I understand the feelings of others – but they are not mine. I respond to them and try to offer solutions from my own position.

Try it out! It takes some time but you will notice that the steps become easier and easier and at some point become second nature – like driving a car: suddenly you no longer notice when and how you shift gears.

In summary, being empathetic means understanding your own feelings and those of others and being able to comprehend how they are feeling right now. It’s important to know: you can be completely wrong with your assessment: so ask questions and address feelings. After all, it is important to empathize with others but not to suffer with them.

Good luck!

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